Hope & Rage

You know how they (and Paulo Coelho) say that, when you really really want something the entire universe conspires to make it happen...... well somebody forgot to mention the Universe - has its off days too!..... or maybe its just playing with you and testing you to the boiling point!....... These are the moments when you feel that you are probably committing the most heinous crime - worse than Judas - by introducing an innocent to Hope.....

                                                             When Pandora opened the box a second time, Hope was the white dove that would counter the chaos that she let out initially...... But maybe Hercules was being sarcastic.... Some try to keep away the devious complications that come with Hope but it seems that humanity is damned forever (Way to go Pandora!)....... When you're trying to grab onto something real - Hope is this malicious fog that deceives our already sordid vision..... and you can't blame someone who goes into a state of blinding sub-psychotic rage over this stressful situation..... but "hope"fully that's where it ends.....

Unpredictable Surprises

just a week back you were thinking that things are slipping into pace and then... BAM... its gone all topsy turvy again... funny how things are that way...... i always knew life was unpredictable..... more so for me.... even if its the unpredictable routine!...... but sometimes, in lieu of the BAM moment - the routine seems to be just a haze..... it just goes to make you think that.... no matter how much one thinks they are living out a glorious or otherwise routine..... no matter how much you crave for some stability.... life and permanence are polar opposites - but then again you don't need me to tell you that.... but maybe you need the occasional jab from people to remind you of it........

                   A lot of people take stability, routine and being predictable as things that you fear in your youth but something they desire as they grow older.... and this desire increases with age...... perhaps there is some merit to that thinking..... and it is due to this thinking that I cannot think of something else that I've tried to run away from, the most....... and this is one of those escapist elements that may or may not serve me well........ but i choose to believe its the former........ its the fact that i may change names, numbers and destinations at a poignant point that seems nothing out of the ordinary....... that is probably why those moments are poignant.... you expect an extraordinary moment to be spellbinding.... but when an ordinary moment becomes so, you may have hit the jackpot...

Hello Again Jiminy...

we all liked Pinocchio right..... adorable Geppetto who longs for a son..... endearing wooden puppet that dreams to be a real boy..... and who can forget Jiminy Cricket who guides him all along..... Good values for your kids.... but as time goes by we forget how Pinocchios nose grows long..... how much Geppetto loved his son.... and most of all - we forget to listen to Jiminy......

                                                                                  I think maybe its time we adults watched Pinocchio once..... and really dig into it again...... so many of us have managed to zone out Jiminy or lock him into oblivion..... but then we come across these moments..... where behind all our greatest efforts and all the consolatory statements.... you hear this faint sound....... you brush it off thinking its another one of those pesky migraines coming along but..... before you pop in a painkiller - you probably might hear Jiminy..... sure he doesn't sound the same or carry around his umbrella..... but there's no doubt that its him..... and that just sinks us even deeper..... he means well and wants you to be the best you can be..... but telling you what to do and not to can be quite annoying even if its your own Conscience..... so we all try to silence Jiminy..... poor cricket didn't screw up, did he?..... and on top of that we're giving him flak...........

                                                                                                Jiminys been talking to me a little bit tonight.... and his voice is a lot louder than usual..... but i have to listen to him.... I mean... he's right you know - especially if you hear him loud and clear...... its time we all spend a few minutes with our own Jiminys - they've been waiting to talk to us for a while now..... 

...Desirable Traits...

.......hasn't there been an instance when your talking to a friend..... see a stranger on the road....... and wish "God, I wish I could do that".... I've had many such instances where someones innate qualities have impressed me to the extent that I wish I was blessed with it...... so today, i thought i could talk about many such things that I wish I'd been........ one of them is a positive attitude - I'm kind of notorious for being pessimistic (although I still maintain that its called being a realist!)...... in a world full of people who look at life oh so practically and are eager to throw you with the realities of life...... these people with an amazing faith in the universe are such a welcome treat..... who at even the most dark crossroads come with a blaring flashlight...... sometimes I wonder how they do it........ seems simple enough yet I couldn't be more elusive to it...... even when things just don't seem to work out - they seem to be able to look at it in a way that I've been perennially blind..... sometimes its encouraging, sometimes it seems like a sweet nothing to make you smile....... but either way you have to appreciate how they do it........... I mean if everyone thought like me all the time - you'd find somebody down in the dumps at every corner...... and why waste this fleeting life in such self deprecating moments.....

          ...... another marvelous feat i've been a spectator to many a times....... I'm almost tragically disabled when it comes to being assertive...... its not that I cannot.... but there's an organ as physical as my kidney or lungs that filters it out..... i think and i picture myself being this dictator that throws the collective weight of me and the entire country to get what they want...... i'm able to imagine being so verbose about it...... but when it comes to the actual performance, i seem to have lost my infinite vocabulary and draw an embarrassing blank...... and to put salt in your wounds there'll be someone who walks a few steps behind you that glides past you to grab the last seat..... you'd think this is the life changing moment.... where you finally remember the words and rise like the phoenix..... alas - such dramatic victory, I couldn't achieve....

                                                  .......I'd like to think of these 2 qualities as the barricades that stop me from conquering the world....... what stops me from pursuing eternal happiness when now I have to settle for snatches..... us helpless souls have to make it in a world of fierce go getters where nobody knows where to draw the line...... it seems ironic to talk of democracy or free speech...... 

                                                                               

Comfort, my luxury...

Yesterday... out of all things I could have done (ok when i say all - it means this and sleep) I chose to watch Sex and The City 2 (The Movie)... a friend had made me watch the previous movie and not having seen the iconic series, any subtle or not so subtle references were lost on me.... but i don't think I missed much.... It started off as colourful and extravagant as you would think..... fancy apartments, indulgent clothes, privileges galore...... many things happened and these 4 women land in Abu Dhabi..... and at this point it becomes a little difficult for me...... not that up till this point it was easy..... but i managed...... words like luxury and decadence fail to resonate the lifestyle that was portrayed..... amidst all that wealth and exorbitance there was this other sense lurking about..... it was hard not to miss but could easily have been..... it was this sheer obscenity...... maybe im alone on this one..... its not very often that i cringe when i see something that doesn't involve merciless hacking...... but this was one of them...... maybe its because i somewhere believe in balance that such excess was as repulsive as poverty........ it showed you the side of the world created by money..... the side of the world many would kill for..... but i forever more, hope to remain an alien to this side......... for its the simple things in life that bring joy rather than all the diamonds one can buy......... the comfort of being well fed, staying under a good roof and not having to worry too much about a rainy tomorrow is my luxury.....

Where are The Good Old Days?

In an increasingly competitive world, whose demands are not just perfection but its highest degree - i have become lost in oblivion.... not knowing what you want can be a dangerous state.... your helpless and terrified...... its almost like you have nothing..... which in a sense is true..... I always took for granted the time where I didn't have to worry about so many things..... when all that was left to do at the end of the day is finishing your homework or cleaning your room...... but then I was rapt with these dreamy ideas of what being an adult would be like...... how i would be part of a crazy web of endless nights spent wiling away my youth and the wee hours meeting deadlines and earning my bread....

....now when your at that point, it becomes hard to accept that no book or film matched that kind of dramatic fiction..... now it seems like your stuck and good times are but memories...... it seems like I'm craving for those moments in the past that doesn't make me afraid or tired....... when it didn't matter if I couldn't figure something out..... it was ok..... I was just a child...

Just another Tuesday

it probably doesn't come as a great surprise for someone who's read the previous posts, when I say that I'm still clueless...... but i just can't seem to help it.... its almost..... 'Devilish in its innocence' - i don't know how many of you realise who this was originally directed to..... but that's not even half as important as the depth these words carry...... of late..... or rather for the past 2 decades..... i have great joy in reminiscing the pictures and sounds from films.... books..... songs and the biggest spectacle - routine life..... and you come across these very striking phrases or images or feelings that somehow unconsciously register deep in your memory bank......... i particularly remember this scene from a TV show I used to watch as a kid and when i had the chance to see it again a few days ago (that's a good decade later)...... i remembered that time when i was a kid - i remember my house.... the chair i was sitting in..... even that it was dimly lit and sometime in the late afternoon.... and all of these details rush to the surface making it something like my very own Episode of the Madeleine or more suitably - Episode of the Television...... but you must come across such things more often than we think.... like a TV episode..... this wonderful phrase i started off with....... an odd childhood memory...... or even the title of a song..... this one took my fancy the moment i heard it...... called..... Send Me The Pillow That You Dream On...... quite a lovely thing to say...... almost engineered to melt the symbolic human heart to butter...... needless to say, the singer was more than successful..... Now in the presence of such an infinite sphere of such delicate and profound elements.... many that i'm not even close to comprehending..... can you blame me entirely for not wanting to look for something as fearfully restrictive as employment?